It Could Give Me An Anxiety Attack

Brooklyn is 8 and often BEGS me to let her stay home alone when I have to run quick errands. When it’s her and her brother, there is just no way. Not only is she legally not able to be left in charge of another child, but the way they fight sometimes, I’m not entirely certain I’d come home to two living children. {surely those of you with children know what I’m talking about. I’m not willing. As far as just leaving her for 10-15 minutes, I just haven’t been able to get there.

It freaks me out.

But today, today I bit the bullet. I had to run Jonah to dance class – seriously 5 minutes away – and when she asked I felt like it was a reasonable request. She knows not to answer the door, or go outside and wander around, etc. She was on her iPod, so I instructed her to curl up in one location so I knew she wasn’t mucking around. I had to do A LOT of self talk. The mere idea of something happening sends my anxiety into a tailspin. But I also believe that giving opportunities for more responsibility is good and helpful. And she is certainly capable.

He is Sweet

This sweet kid might be the end of me 😉

The problem is, while self talking my way OUT of the anxiety {I’ve become a bit of a pro since my battling with anxiety} this was the conversation Jonah felt the need to initiate.

Jonah: I hope Brooklyn won’t be worried

Me: Yeah, me too. It’s kinda freaking me out.

Jonah: Me too. What if she answers the door?

Me: She won’t. She knows not to {I went over a few things before I left}.

Jonah: I know, but what if she accidentally opens the door and there’s a robber?

{cue Anxiety}

Me: She won’t {trying to dismiss the conversation}

Jonah: I know….but what if she accidentally does, I said. And there was a robber? She’d be in danger right?

Me: Yes….{pause} This is not helping.

Jonah: Then we’d have to call the police so they could come and take her out of the bag.

{Slam on brakes….turn around..drive home and get Brooklyn}

Okay, I totally didn’t do that, but I could have. This was a good exercise in self talk.

Me {chuckling to myself}

Jonah: Why are you laughing?

Me: This is the worst conversation ever.

I mean, SERIOUSLY! It’s one of those situations where if something were to happen, I would feel like I KNEW I should have made a different decision. When really, it was my {often unreasonable} anxiety talking, as opposed to honest to goodness mommy instinct.

Brooklyn is fine….great….and I was gone a total of 15 minutes. And she got to chalk another one up for responsibility. Even if it gives me an anxiety attack, it was worth it.

Hope she enjoyed it though, might be the first and last time! 😉

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